Wednesday, August 26, 2015

My pregnancies (and losses)

Since Little Guy was an only child for almost four years, you may think that I was only pregnant twice.  Well, that's not the case.  It was not even the third time I've been pregnant.  No, this is the fourth time that I have been pregnant in the past four years.

This is one of those things that is really hard to talk about when you it is happening to you.  Back in September of 2012 we decided it was time to try expanding our family.  After  a few months, I got a  positive pregnancy test!  We were so excited.  It was early December so we decided to wait until Christmas to tell our parents.  My first prenatal appointment was scheduled for December 28 when I would be 8 weeks along.

At that appointment, the doctor did an ultrasound to date the pregnancy.  We saw a heartbeat, but the baby was only measuring 5 weeks 5 days.  The doctor ordered blood work and scheduled me to return in one week for another ultrasound to make sure the baby was growing.  The blood work came out fine.  The ultrasound, 8 days after the first, showed the baby measuring 6 weeks 1 day with no heartbeat.  I was so sad.  I opted to have a D&C the next day, which was one of the hardest days of my life.  That was my first angel baby.

Fast forward to the next December.  After months of trying, I got another positive pregnancy test. I was trying hard to be optimistic about this pregnancy. We were traveling home for December, so we wanted to tell our families in person.  On the drive (18 hours), I started spotting.  We arrived at our destination and held off sharing the news.  The day after Christmas, I started bleeding.  That was my second angel baby.

August 26.  That was the due date of both pregnancies that I lost.

When I found out I was pregnant with this little girl, I had such mixed emotions.  I was so glad to be pregnant after months of trying.  However, I was petrified that I would lose this pregnancy.  I think that I held my breath until my first ultrasound at 8 weeks.  I walked into the office, already crying because I had convinced myself that this was not a viable pregnancy.  However, the tears quickly turned to tears of joy as we saw a beautiful heartbeat!

I continued to exercise and was thankful (mostly) every day that I had morning sickness, as that meant that I still had pregnancy hormones going through my body.  As we approached our 19 week ultrasound, I was worried that something would be wrong with the baby.  But that ultrasound showed us a healthy baby girl!

I am so thankful and feel so blessed to now be able to hold our baby girl in my arms.  It was a long journey to get here.  I hope by sharing our struggles and finally our joy, others can have hope and realize they are not alone.

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